The Team Meeting!

Today we had a team meeting, one of the main topics was our security guru. Now as we all know computer security in general and data security in particular is of great importance, as a means to this end we have a security expert looking at the security of our systems as we move them to the new very secure location! To at least give the impression of being fair, I would say that he is probably only following a process that was given to him.

There have been several small incidents revolving around our security hardening, strangely enough caused mainly by the security guru throwing his toys from his pram. In the world of IT you do get used to this type of behavior as in general as a systems admin it doesn’t tend to affect you, but now we are finding that the security is becoming a royal pain in the butt. It’s not like there’s a major contribution being made by this person, in fact if anything he’s actually limiting the possibility of others making a major contribution.

In order to move forward with the project we need to have some kind of communications established, it was suggested that the security needed a slap– this is quite a common response when in the North of  England. However I think that there is probably a need to go a smidgen further, current thinking points to one of the following.

• A belt around the chops with a LART ( Large Attitude Readjustment Tool ) effective in the short term, well for as long as the recipient is unconscious.
• An invitation to a private meeting, where a swift kick to the Ging Gangs can be administered (This can change the pitch of the voice and may infact make communication more difficult).
• Administering a suppository, here there are several choices (Although the security manual can make for a good starting point – it has to be left in the binder for greatest effect).
• For a more permanent solution, it has been suggested that either feet first into a Bacon Slicer or Bark Stripper is possible. (There are potential Health and Safety issues here.)

Most people were too polite to openly voice the desires that they had for a resolution on this one, so it was left at “he needs a good slap”. Although just after the meeting it was pointed out that a suitable adjective that could be used to describe him was “Twatten”, I will probably have to look that one up at some point just to satisfy my curiosity.

On a lighter note especially as there wasn’t the usual amount of humour or hilarity during the team meeting something to brighten your day!

A Systems Admin was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The Systems Admin took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the Systems Admin took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The Systems Admin said, “Look, I’m a Unix Systems Admin. I don’t have time for a girlfriend — but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”